February 31, 2047
For immediate release:
Greenspace Moves to Prevent Di-Hydrogen Oxide Contamination
Building upon our success in creating the Lunar Wild Area Refuge (LunWar) to prevent the tracking of pristine lunar surfaces by moon buggies, Greanspace has moved once more to protect the lunar environment.
Hydro-Unlimited, a subsidiary of Haliburton!, has proposed drilling for di-hydrogen oxide beneath the moon’s surface. Di-hydrogen oxide is a major component of acid rain on Earth, yet Haliburton! executives tell us it is safe.
Proponents of drilling claim that the lunar habitat is lifeless (we disagree), and therefore cannot be damaged by human activities. As we showed in creating LunWar, human activity is damage. If we hadn’t acted, the entire lunar surface would be covered in tracks and footprints. Since the moon is atmosphere impaired, these tracks create permanent scars on the surface of the moon.
Now the industrialists are at it again, proposing to move into LunWar with their drilling rigs, tracking up the surface in their quest for di-hydrogen oxide. Think for a moment what a catastrophe it would be if one tanker of di-hydrogen oxide were to be spilled. They claim it would quickly covert to the solid state, but dare we trust them? The capitalist pigs claim that the di-hydrogen oxide is essential for life. Well, too much is fatal too.
There is a subtlety in the statement that di-hydrogen oxide is "essential to life" that must be explored. Is this an admission of the existence of life on the moon? We think so! The next time someone laughs at you when you insist on protecting the Barking Moonbat, tell them even Haliburton! Execs have admitted they exist.
Call your senator today and tell her not to allow drilling in LunWar.